nothing wrong with my changing world..

Last September God told me that this season of my life was going to be about change– I believe that was an understatement.

I experienced change in about every area of my life since then: a new car, a new job, new friends, new hobbies. And… some bad ones: lost friends, lost a crush, lost hope. All were meant to make me stronger, I believe. I was wrestling, like Jacob, with each instance desiring to be changed–for God to touch my hip so I may walk out of here different.

And I kind of thought that that season was over.

I’m not really sure why, I just thought that all the changing had been done. But was I any stronger? Was I any wiser? Clearly not, because Sunday God reminded me of a thing or two…

I’m not done changing. The world before me is not done changing. And whether it is cliche to say this or not, it has really just begun.

Sunday I sat and I heard God called me out–via my pastor Paul–on my biggest crime: pride. I am “Know it all.” I do believe I have it all together and everyone else is just a foolish sinner. I don’t need a mentor (and if I did, it would be someone famous. Like John Eldredge. Or, Don Miller). I talk down to people; I tell people when they don’t know what they’re talking about. I’m condescending.

More change: I sat with a girl I consider a Samaritan (and enjoyed it). I bit my tongue during youth group. My heart got broken. I clung to new friendships.

And dear Lord, in eight weeks there will be even more change. And two months after that, even more. I won’t have my mommy to make sure I’m up in the morning or have her buy me my favorite granola bars (unless she wants to fedEx some!).

Change is never going to quit either. Whether God moves me into another season of life, I will never stop changing, I’ll never stop growing–hopefully toward Him, hopefully into a stronger girl of God.

As Matty said in his Devoted article (that never got published, sorry) EMBRACE change. Love it. What’s going on right now may seem like it will breed only more suffering, but hold fast. This moment is just a rung on a really, really long ladder, stay strong and stay close to God and you’ll move up the ladder.

[Find your faith and dive deep, through living gateways pass
Lined with death and ivory, and hold fast, hold fast]

April 7, 2008

Posted in Nonfiction and tagged change, college.