Hope is the the thing with feathers
“Hope” is the thing with feathers—
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tune without the words—
And never stops—at all—
And sweetest—in the Gale—is heard—
And sore must be the storm—
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm—
I’ve heard it in the chillest land—
And on the strangest Sea—
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb—of Me. – Emily Dickinson
—
Day 5 is going to be better than day 4, 3, 2, or 1.
Why? I have hope.
—
I’m not a very good ex-girlfriend. In fact, I have a track record of being a really awful one. I don’t let things go. I either slightly resemble a stalker, or I am filled with resentment.
Well.
Nate and I have been in contact. Why? I needed closure. Everything came so abruptly, so I needed some things answered. I needed to be okay with his decision to break up, and so on.
No, I’m not okay with it, in that I would have done it myself. But, I’m more okay with it now than I was a few days ago.
But because of our being in contact, I know Nate and I can be friends. I know that’s usually not a good idea. I’m trying to figure out why. I think a huge part of that has to do with resentment, but Nate and I didn’t break up on bad terms. He doesn’t hate me. He still cares for me a lot — and of course I care for him a lot. And if we were truly best friends to begin with, why can’t we be friends again?
Of course, these things don’t happen right away. I can’t just be his friend now. I can’t hang out with him like buds, and give him dating advice (puke) or something like that.
But in time, I think it’ll work.
And I know, too, that there are only two things that will result from this break-up: either we will both realize we are meant to be together, or we’ll both move on and find happiness with other people.
Those are the only two things that can happen.
Neither of us — inshallah — will keel over and die.
Neither of us will live miserable lives.
Nathan’s doing what he believes is best for us. And I, in my weak state, believe that that’s true, as long as we end up together. (Hey, it’s only day 5.)
November 14, 2011