The earth is bursting with life

Day 4.

—

He never ever saw it coming at all.
He never ever saw it coming at all.
It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright.
It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright.

I’m the hero of this story, don’t need to be saved.
I’m the hero of this story, don’t need to be saved.
It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright.
It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright. – Regina Spektor

—

Morning is the easiest.

I wake up with hope — which is great, because we all know how much I hate mornings.

But friends, your dead will live,
your corpses will get to their feet.
All you dead and buried,
wake up! Sing!
Your dew is morning dew
catching the first rays of sun,
The earth bursting with life,
giving birth to the dead. – Isaiah 26

But still. Yesterday got worse as the day went on. It reminds me of this scene in Another Earth, an indie film, when the man whose family died finally tries to get off the couch and live. The first day he does it, he gets a killer headache, and says he tried to do too much.

Yesterday I tried to do too much.

But unfortunately, I can’t slow down. College seniors have no time to slow down.

—

One of the most beautiful things I did yesterday was go to the river and read Holy the Firm out loud. I know the Mississinewa is no Puget Sound, but it was still nature. And I know God is in nature.

So I read:

These are only ideas, but the single handful. Lines, lines, and their infinite points! Hold hands and crack the whip, and yank the Absolute out of there and into the light, God pale and astounded, spraying a spiral of salts and earths, God footloose and flung. And cry down the line to his passing white ear, “Old Sir! Do you hold space from buckling by a finger in its hole? O Old! Where is your other hand?” His right hand is clenching, calm, round the exploding left hand of Holy the Firm.

I didn’t feel any magical healing after that moment — but while I read those words, I felt peace. I was focused not on my problems, but on the Absolute. That was worth it.

—

Yesterday another batch of friends came through for me: Haley, who baked me cookies, and Alex, who took me to a smokey diner to talk. Though both interactions ended in me crying more — I think that’s okay. It’s only Day 4.

 

November 13, 2011

Posted in Nonfiction.