The earth is bursting with life, continued
Day 4.5.
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I read this, and it (somehow) gave me hope:
A great sin: the fear, and ultimately paralyzation, of becoming.
You are not who you want to be, and the path is unclear, so you sit down in the dirt. The cloud of dust is comforting for awhile as it has the illusion of movement, but you’ve been fooled. The dust settles on your increasingly stiffened muscles. Rigamortis, God forbid. God forbid.
God forbid you sit in on the path and refuse maturation. God forbid you let the dust settle and you deny redemption. God forbid the fear of taking a step forward or backward or left or right and you deny process. God, in great humility, does not forbid failure. God does not forbid mistakes. God does not forbid missteps. Go fail and fail well! is the voice of God. Do nothing! is the voice of evil.
Stillness is not dualistic. There is a good, sacred stillness, and there is an evil stillness: the stillness of fear. You cannot stay in the desert. You may go to the desert, and you may be in the desert for a time, but if you stay then you choose death. Leave the desert. Leave now while you can, while you are still alive. Leave while you are able to choose to work out your life with good fear and with good trembling. We have so little time and we have so much time. – Joshua Longbrake
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I think my biggest fear came true. More than a year ago Nathan asked me what my biggest fear is. I told him for my lover to stop loving me.
Hey, I survived my greatest fear.
Those afraid of drowning rarely survive their fear.
But it hurts still.
I told Nathan once that it gave me hope that God doesn’t stop loving me the same way he (Nathan) will never stop loving me.
But God won’t stop loving me. He can’t.
Men fail; God never does.
He is a romantic. Still I believe this.
November 13, 2011