Liminal
I’m already learning the language of The Seattle School. One word that keeps coming up is liminal—
liminal (adj.) 1884, from L. limen “threshold, cross-piece, sill”
I’m at this threshold between college and post-grad, between Indiana and Seattle, between single and engaged.
Like my last liminal period, between high school and college, I spent this time thinking about me, rather, who I am, who I want to be at graduation. I labeled this time in my life an identity crisis; I think I’m at another one.
Who am I, fundamentally? And who do I want Seattle Lauren to be?
When I make decisions like this, it’s not that I’m trying to redefine who I am. I’m trying to live out who I really am, to be proud of that, to be more me than I’ve ever been. And the verse I quote so often in these thresholds: “I want to be all the Jesus Christ saved me for and wants me to be.”
—
1. I am a writer. I can’t deny this. I write every day. Whether I’m writing a blog post here or for Neither Liberal Nor Arts, or whether I’m working on my memoir, writing for work, or wrestling with the words of a poem — I’m writing. Every day. I am a woman of words. I am a student of words.
2. I am a reader. This summer hasn’t expressed that much. I’ve bought more books than I’ve read. But fundamentally, I am a reader. On my drive home from work the other day, I considered how books really do change me, change my epistemology. Books change me a bit, but the conversations I have about those books change me exponentially more.
3. I am a philosopher/theologian. OK, at least kind of. I have always been a thinker. I have always wrestled with who I think God is, what life is, what reality is. Maybe I’m not the next Kierkegaard or Kant, but thinking and considering God and the world is truly a part of me.
4. I am a believer. I can’t not believe in God. I have gone through series of doubts. I’ve done things I thought I’d never do. But I keep finding myself with God, thanking him for life, for good coffee and conversation, for my circumstances. I’m not ready to convince YOU to be a Christian (this is quite Kierkegaardian/existentialist of me), but I know why I believe. It has a lot to do with the ordinary, the everyday.
Lauren
June 12, 2012