A New Lauren
Oh, hi, after a two-year hiatus.
I am 3 weeks away from graduation, with a heavy, heart and a lot of fear. But–no time for that. I’ll speak of that later.
Today was the Spring Banquet at the school, where I was asked by Paul (the dean of students) if I would pray for the returning students. I have prayed maybe, oh, three times out loud and in public for people since graduating IWU. But I wanted to do this.
ME: I’m going to BAWL.
PAUL: Cry, scream, laugh–do whatever feels right.
I bawled.
I cried for a lot of different reasons, but one was obvious: I don’t want to leave the damn school. What a freaking weird-ass school I’ve studied at for the past two years. Who I am now is not who I was the last time I wrote on this blog–which is probably why I’m writing. I had it in my head back in 2007, back in high school, that this blog would follow me into adulthood. It has, and I hope it continues to.
Gosh–much to say. I want to say how I’ve come back around to George MacDonald (the originator of “broken-down poetry”). Of course my last class at TSS would be on C.S. Lewis and another heavy in the MacDonald talk. Young Lauren would be flipping out.
I am curious how this blog will end up. I imagine it will be a wee bit lighter on the God-talk (though maybe more theological). I’ll probably curse more than ever, maybe without even noticing. And, perhaps unexpectedly, I’ll probably be more emotional than ever. As if I could be. But I could be. Wink.
Much has changed; I’m sure this blog will too.
Until then, here’s my prayer from this evening:
O God,
Thank you.
I pray for those who get to return next year to this building and to this community.
I pray they never forget how strange this school is!Bless their summers, their internships, their reading, writing, planning, and dreaming.
Bless their questions, their desires, their confusion, and their hope.May they be brave, and foolish.
May they be kind, and subversive.God, through the work they do at this school, may they love you and others more.
I pray the words of a poet for them:
“Thank you, Lord, coming for
to carry me here—where I’ll gnash
it out, Lord, where I’ll calm
and work, Lord.”God, continue to do good work here.
Amen.
June 8, 2014