on Faith

-Habakkuk 2:3-

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I know very little about faith. I know it has to do with belief (“faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see”). I know it has to do with taking God seriously, and not calling yourself a god like Shirley MacLaine in that movie.

I know that “the principal part of faith is patience” and that God doesn’t work in my time frame, but His own.

But that’s about all I know.

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Note the question I have at the beginning of the blog: “Do you think if you ignore my revelation that makes it untrue?” This is what started my thoughts on faith.

God and I were hashing it out the other day. We got on the topic of faith, specifically this promise we made back when I was 16 or so. This was my prayer:

“Dear God, I pray that you don’t tell me who I’m supposed to marry until it’s time for me to get married. Okay, thanks.”

I’ve always been pretty cool with this prayer. Sometimes I regret prayers I’ve made (i.e.: “dear God I pray that I don’t date anyone until I date my husband”), but this one I liked. I have this irrational fear that the moms of the boys that like me – and I don’t like in return – tell their sons that I’ll come around, that God wants us to get married or something. That kind of disgusts me. Hence why I don’t regret this prayer: I refuse to be like one of those moms.

But it came up again, when Jesus and I were hashing it out, and He humbled me. Because what if God wants to tell me who I’m going to marry? (He hasn’t yet – THANK GOODNESS – and I hope this is an object lesson, not something He’ll actually do.)

But sometimes I think God tells me things that I don’t think I should know. Some of those revelations are “lingering,” some have been proven true.

But what if I decide not to listen? What if God tells me who I’m going to marry, but I plug my ears with my fingers? Does that make His revelation less-true?

Or, what if God lies to me? What if I ask God if I’m going to work for Zondervan and I hear Him say yes and I’m so sure that’s what He wants for me, but I don’t get the job.

But what if planning for the Zondervan job gets me a job at Tyndale? What if that lie got me where I needed to be?

Is this a matter of the end justifying the means? I don’t know – maybe. Does God work like that? Or can he?

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I can come to no conclusion. Of the topics I’m planning on discussing (Faith, Forgiveness, Grace and Redemption), this is the vaguest.

But I suppose you can have faith without knowing what it means, right? (Ha, I hope so.)

with love and squalor,

ezekiel