Days 10 & 11
Day 10.
—
I woke up crying. I’ve written before how I’m the happiest in the morning, and then it fades from there. No, today I woke up crying. I am alright now, thanks to hugs and friends and coffee and the weather. (Rain, I love.)
I know for sure now that I need goals, maybe just a set of monthly goals, so I have something to work toward.
—
Pain — has an Element of Blank —
It cannot recollect
When it begun — or if there were
A time when it was not —It has no Future — but itself —
Its Infinite contain
Its Past — enlightened to perceive
New Periods — of Pain. – Emily Dickinson
—
I feel better right now, but I feel as though I made to it the fourth stage of grief: depression.
Boy, oh boy.
The only thing that is saving me is distractions.
—
Day 11.
Yesterday got worse, then it got easier.
I called my mom crying after dinner. I had been doing so well, but then I fell weak again. Which is okay. Really, it’s okay.
That’s what my mom told me, anyway: It’s okay to cry. It’s good to cry. So I did for about 15 minutes. Then I carried on with my evening, and had a lot of fun.
Today has been good as well. I know what will get me through this break-up is keeping focused on other things. There are a million other things to devote myself to than despair. So for today, I will focus on my grad school application, and I will focus on my senior project.
Today will be a good day.
November 20, 2011