love.
When Jesus said “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
We befriended the outcast.
We served at soup kitchens.
We volunteered for children’s church.
We sent money oversees to Africa.
We raked our neighbor’s leaves.
We tithed.
But when it comes to loving those people who are different than us …
Who are a different religion.
Who are a different race.
Who are in a different political party.
We limit God’s command.
Why have we forgotten God’s calling?
“And what does the Lord require of you? To act JUSTLY and to LOVE MERCY and to walk HUMBLY with your God.” Micah 6:8b
You may not like our president, but he has been chosen by God.
The same way God chose King David, Solomon, Josiah.
The same way God chose King Saul, Ahab, Manasseh.
Lose the hatred.
Start caring about what’s on God’s heart.
“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday. ” Isaiah 58:6-10
—
It’s the desire of my heart
It’s the anthem of my birth
I love you ’til you cross the line
Then watch my faith turn into works
November 5, 2008 Leave a comment
From Canton with Love.
I should mention that I’m not a spontaneous person. I am a planner. My reoccurring nightmare features me late for class or late for work because of unlikely situations that barricade my path.
But I am also an opportunist. This forms a sort of duality within me-one half involves risk taking adventures, while the other stays at home and make lists. So when this whole RELEVANT ordeal came about with less than a week to react, both sides of me got antsy, but for different reasons.
I am an official RELEVANT College Advocate, my goal being to spread the good news of RELEVANT around my campus. (I know that sounds like a self-proclaimed title, but there really is such a thing.) Because of this, I was given the opportunity to pass out magazines at the Art*Music*Justice Tour.
Luckily, most of the little details got sorted out. I chose the location I wanted to work at (Canton, OH), I had the money to go, a place to stay the night and a whole playlist of music to entertain me for 300 miles. (I should mention that I still didn’t know exactly what I was doing once I got to the show until 5 minutes before I left my dorm room. I even had to call ol’ Chad from RELEVANT to get that sorted.)
I left after chapel on Friday and planned to get to Canton by 5:30, and I planned to arrive at the concert fifteen minutes early and planned to get to Amanda’s dorm by midnight. I have heard several times that God laughs at our plans or something to that degree. I don’t know how much he laughs exactly, but he does like to screw with them a little bit.
The drive was fine. I have a nice internal map in my head. Sam used to tell me how I always knew exactly where stores were in the mall back home. I just knew that since the mallway was in a big circle, eventually you would come across what you were looking for. I think my sister’s compliment went to my head. I am convinced I’m good with directions.
I found the building okay. The AMJ Tour website told me the address of the church, right across from the dirty McDonald’s I tried to eat at. It was at a college campus, Malone University, a small private school like my WU.
It was past the time I was supposed to be there (6:30) but only by a minute or so. If I were to grade myself on punctuality, I’d give myself a 4 out of 5. So, I entered the back door of their PAC and wandered the hallways until I found an office.
I went into the office only slightly panicky (what’s a few minutes, really?). I told them who I was and what I was there for.
They had no idea what I was talking about.
A concert?
RELE-who?
They logged onto the concert’s site, pretty sure that I was in the wrong place. They found the true location of the AMJ concert: First Christian Church.
OOOOOH! They said in unison. Turns out FCC moved out of the building we were in a year ago. Noticing the panic rise a notch, a man in a suit jacket (I think his name was Rick) ushered me out the building, telling me over and over again how FCC was only down the road four miles. He gave me directions, wished me luck, and I got into my car. I re-graded myself in punctuality: 2.5 out of 5.
Rick told me to take a left at the T. I took a right. I turned around. I saw a dead end. I turned around. The numbers got smaller… they were supposed to get larger. I turned around. I panicked. Punctuality: 1 out of 5.
I somehow got to the church. I walked the classic I-only-have-10-minutes-to-get-to-class-on-the-other-side-of-campus walk (which I don’t practice enough I noticed due to the shortness of my breath). I went to the ticket people and, once again, spilled my story. I don’t think it made any sense.
Once the ticket-ers could understand my babbling, a woman named Claudia took me to find my booth.
Wait, where is it?
Claudia had no idea where this infamous table was, so she took me backstage to find a Mr. Troy Groves who, according to ol’ Chad, knew what was going on. Troy was not around, so I was brought to a room with refreshments. Claudia told me to eat, giving me a water bottle and offering lasagna.
Another woman, Kristin, was in the room as well. I told her my story, still with a little adrenaline kick. It was like when King David (prior to his kingship) was acting like a madman at Gath so he wouldn’t be recognized. It was a lot like that, except that I wasn’t acting. I was a little frantic and a little foolish (I did just drive 5 hours to work at a booth that didn’t exist) . . . but suddenly my Gath-moment halted when Derek Webb entered the room.
This was the guy that played on the podcast a few years ago, who was on the Mar.-April 2006 issue of RELEVANT magazine. He’s the guy quoted in one of my favorite books, Jesus for President. I had this guy’s CD! (Or at least I did until I gave it to Goodwill.)
And boy, he was a lot shorter than I had imagined.
Then walks in Sandra McCracken. Then Sarah Groves.
Suddenly my driving around confused for a half hour was worth it. I was here. I was among very incredible musicians–I felt renewed.
Soon after that, Claudia talked to Troy about the magazines and he said they’d get them out. . . eventually. (How ominous.)
So I bet by this point you must think I am a little crazy. Perhaps a little Gath-crazy (as I now choose to call it). So… what am I doing here?
See, this very dilemma led me to ask myself that age-old question: If RELEVANT asked me to jump off a bridge, would I do it? I am a poor, jobless college student who spent five hours driving through Ohio, got lost in downtown Canton, trailed a just-as-confused FCC member, and sat awkwardly at a concert alone. . . .
Yes, the answer is yes.
Meanwhile, Claudia had me watch the first half of the concert since the table wasn’t set up. She gave me her backstage pass and permitted me to eat whatever I wanted. Really, I just wanted to stay in the back room until Brandon Heath came by. Then I would propose marriage to him. Okay, not really.
The concert was amazing. I would go into detail, but you can read a pretty thorough review of it at (SHAMELESS PLUG!) RELEVANTMagazine.com. But it was amazing. I haven’t felt so close to God since I’ve been at IWU. I think that is the problem with a Christian school. It’s hard to find the sacredness and mystery of God when you have to go to chapel three times a week. (I’ll blog about THAT later.)
Intermission. I found Claudia once again and we went to look for my table. Still not there. We went back stage again, walking through a dark corridor that led to the refreshments table.
Footsteps behind us.
Brandon Heath. Claudia introduced herself as the event coordinator (and a very helpful magazine-hunter if I do say so myself) and told him my problem. Oh, I know where the RELEVANTs are.
Brandon Heath saves the day!
He set them out at his merch table and I did my duties of taking out every single subscription card and stacked them in a neat pile.
Back to the concert.
Once it was over I finally got to work. And I’ll say, RELEVANTs go like hotcakes. Subscription cards do not, but that’s not my fault. The economy sucks, that’s why only a few people took them. So why not just blame Bush. (And my readership just got cut in half.)
Brandon was signing autographs right next to me. Now, I don’t have time to go into this, really, but I have to say that Brandon Heath is the nicest musician I have ever met. Usually when people come up to tell them about a song they’ve written, the musician just says coooool and move on. Not Brandon. I think he’s co-writing a song with a thirtysomething guy from FCC. Not to mention the guy who liked Brandon’s watch. Brandon took it off his wrist and gave it to him.
I reconsidered that marriage proposal.
We packed up, I said my goodbyes (and got a picture with Brandon). Claudia and a few women from the church insisted that I didn’t drive two-and-a-half miles to Ada to stay with Amanda; they had an extra hotel room, paid for and everything.
I sat in that Holiday Inn, writing the beginnings of this blog. My mind was reeling with excitement, but my heart was so low and lonely. Why did the day progress like it had? I got my answer on the way to Ada, while listening to a little Jon Foreman. (And my roommates roll their eyes. . . .)
THE LESSON:
If you made it this far in the blog, I commend you. I’m pushing 1500 words now, about five pages double-spaced if this were a paper. Stay with me. I actually learned something this weekend.
God has been teaching me about loving people, about finding what Shane Claiborne calls their “sacred humanity,” looking beyond the Lifeboat, and realizing that we are ALL created in God’s image. Black. White. Pretty. Fat. Short. Lazy. Whatever.
God had told me this on the way to my sister’s apartment a few months ago while I listened to a new song by a Mr. Brandon Heath: Give Me Your Eyes. God wants me to stop being so selfish and obsessed with comparing myself to others so that I can see people the way He sees them. I finally saw the connection.
I got lost in Canton for a reason.
If I knew where I was going and had arrived on time for the concert, I would not have been so reliant on people. The advisors at Malone University took time out of their schedule to help me, a kid who didn’t even attend their school. They didn’t have to do that.
And Claudia, God bless her. I followed her around and asked so much of the other members of First Christian Church. I owe them. It reminds me of Jesus’ command to give even just a cup of cool water to a little one who’s thirsty. They gave me so much more: a whole water bottle full, a hotel room, a tee shirt and most of all mercy.
These people showed me mercy. They didn’t know who I was.
But they cared.
I want to be like them.
God reminded me that I don’t have to be in Africa serving the poor to love people. I can do it here. I can do it by asking my friends how they are doing, or offering help when a problem arises. I know I’m being vague, but I don’t know all that God has in store for me. But I am willing. I want to be a servant. I want to learn to love.
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Ezekiel
October 4, 2008 3 Comments
Everything, everything.
A light and fluffy blog because I don’t feel like thinking.
It’s been a long day. There is a reason why most people avoid 7:50 classes. I understand that every morning when I hobble out of bed and nearly fall into the shower, turn on my Jon Foreman music, and doze off on the plexiglass shower door. Trust me, I regret my class schedule every day.
But, before I get too far off on a tangant, I wanted to share with you all my long-term goal as a college student. A mission statement, if you will. (Side note: the concept is there, but the rhetoric hasn’t been perfected.)
I want my college experience–my going-to-class, homework-ing, studying, note-taking–to be my spiritual act of worship.
This is what I am doing, and whatever I do should be for God’s glory. Thus, I am going to worship God via my devotion to my studies.
Seem a little twisted? It’s not, really. God wants me to live to my full potential (my favorite NLT verse: “I want to be all that Jesus Christ saved me for and wants me to be”). Right now, I am a student. All that I can be right now is a follower of Christ and a student. (“Student” is pretty broad, really. But let’s not go there. I’m tired, remember?)
So there.
What does that look like? It looks like me studying for my COM115 class, no matter how much I don’t want to. It means reading the goshawful OTH book and taking notes on it. (Bleh.)
Anyway, just some food for thought. I’ll end with a verse from The Message. (Sorry, Paul.)
“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.” Romans 12:1
September 30, 2008 Leave a comment
Why do you believe?
I’m debating on what I should talk about. What’s been on my mind lately has been relativism. But I don’t think I’m ready for THAT blog. I have a lot to think about still. Don’t worry, I’ll get back to it eventually.
In light of relativism, however, I do want to explore the age old question of Why Do I Believe What I Believe? Because, to be fair, I can’t tell you what I believe about relativism before I understand why I believe what I do.
So back to the basics.
I believe Jesus is the Son of God because…
As Pastor Paul would allude, there are different stages we’re at in our Christian journey: Childhood, Adolescent, Young Adulthood and Adulthood. Each stage answers that italicized question differently.
The Child:I believe Jesus is the Son of God because the Bible says so and my mommy and daddy told me that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and they said that if I say I’m sorry I will go to heaven and heaven is really cool. My Daddy said there I can eat aaallll the cookies I want. I love cookies. And cookie monster. I love Sesame Street.
Interpretation: The Christian child (and I’m saying that they’re a physical child as they are spiritually) believes Jesus as their Savior because their parents did first, or possibly a Sunday school teacher or camp counselor. They do not go “searching for Truth” as a teenager or adult would–it’s presented before them. I think it’s fair to say that a seven-year-old will put his trust in Jesus if his parents told him to. That’s the nature of a child: to believe what Mom and Dad say.
Also, a spiritual child (I’m going beyond the physical age of a child, but one that is new to Christianity) tends to have limited knowledge of Christianity. Their focus may be on salvation only or the forgiveness of sins, rather than any more complex Christian concepts.
The Adolescent: I believe Jesus is the Son of God because the Bible says he is and I have put my trust in him. So far I haven’t had any reason to doubt him. Most of my friends believe in God too, and they go to my youth group. The ones who don’t believe in him I try to get to go to youth group. I love learning about deeper stuff in the Bible like eschatology, the gifts of the spirit, angels, prophecy, and those crazy stories in Judges about fat kings and women with tent pegs. Sometimes I don’t like youth group because it’s dull and the music sucks. My friends and I like to come up with ideas on how to change it so that it won’t be dry, but that doesn’t really work.
Interpretation: The adolescent Christian (again, I’m speaking of age rather than just spiritual maturity) has an understanding of what they believe more than a child. They understand the basics and then some. Whenever there are trials, there seem to be only two responses: they either run to a friend or youth pastor for Christian guidance (and thus stick with the faith) or search for God in something different than religion (drugs, sex, friends, video games, pop-culture, etc). I don’t want to say that all teenagers’ faith is flighty, but even I had to rely on my peers and my mentors to keep me from falling from Christ. I needed Tom to remind me who I am (a leader!) and Ashley to keep me from willful sins.
A teenage Christian’s spiritual undulation tends to reflect that of the youth group. Pastor Paul said this to the college age group, and though I hate to admit it, I think it’s true. When one person felt dry, the rest of the group did. I remember Ash and I wasted hours of sleep talking about how we were going to “fix” youth group because it felt so dry. Everyone felt dry. And when we were on spiritual highs, everyone else was as well.
The Young Adult: I believe Jesus is the Son of God because not only does the Bible say so, but because I have committed myself to him, and I have seen the work he has done in my life. I don’t always understand why I still sin sometimes or why evil is so prevalent in the world, but I will still rely on Christ. Sometimes it’s annoying that I can’t logically explain or understand God, but I guess that’s where faith comes in. It’s hard, but I’m going to trust Him anyway.
Interpretation: A young adult Christian has a firm foundation for what they believe. They have let God move in their life enough to see it in themselves, not just in the ebb and flow of the youth group. Young adults have the questions; they know they don’t always have the answers. Some may struggle with always needing logical evidence for what they believe (i.e. ME) or others struggle with understanding why bad things happen to good people, but they are okay with not having all the answers. (Or, well, mostly okay.) They ask the questions, look to the spirit for guidance, but rely on faith to get them through.
And so comes the “Adult Christian.” But frankly, I am not one and I don’t think I could explain thoroughly because of that. I could make some guesses as to what an adult Christian is like: one that has solidified their faith enough to accept answer-less questions, or one that can expand other spiritual “age groups” to understand others. I don’t know. If you have answers, feel free to comment.
I guess I just want to understand where I am at and where I am heading. I want to know my questions are normal. I want to know why I believe what I believe. Is it because of my Sunday school teachers, or my youth group, or truly because I believe it?
Ezekiel
September 23, 2008 Leave a comment
Liberal Christianity
Let me start off with a verse: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified…” (I Thessalonians 4:3a)
We have talked a lot about this verse this week, in chapel and in this (goshawful) book I’m reading for World Changers. God wants us to live a blameless life, free of willfull (intention) sins. That makes sense.
God can and will save us even if we sin intentionally (which is where Grace comes in), but God really, truly desires us to be free from all sins. Especially ones we realize. “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.” (James 4:13)
So let’s talk about what I call “Christian Liberalism”: the act of doing what culture says is fine, but many Christians have problems with. Not the blatenly sinful (adultery, murder, unforgiveness, rebellion) but the grey areas. The nitty gritty.
What about cussing? To me it’s a personal conviction not to cuss. I don’t like it. I don’t think Christians should cuss. But honestly, to use Todd’s argument, the Bible doesn’t specifically say “no cussing.” And Jesus does call the Pharisees names. But it’s not a heaven vs. hell issue. Words hold power, as my COM 115 prof tells me, but to be honest, saying heck instead of hell isn’t much better. Think about it.
In Jacque and Ricky’s Bible study we talked a lot about how one man’s convictions may not be another ones, like my issue with cussing. I, for one, have no problem watching R rated movies. I like a lot of them. But I know people who won’t watch them or are very careful in choosing what to watch.
Who’s right?
I think about back in King David’s time and how men practiced polygamy. I think it’s interesting that God never made a law about that. (Or did he?) I mean, God created one man to be with one woman, right? But good ole Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Is that practicing sexual purity illustrated in the New Testament? Not so much. Did God just “approve” because culture did?
That I don’t have the answers for, but it makes me want to look at issues like cussing and movie watching in the same way. What makes sin a sin if God doesn’t step in and tell us one way or another? Can we really just rely on personal convictions?
There is a Christian journalist I greatly respect, who after years of being a youth pastor then a writer, decided to move away and pursue a job as a bartender. Yes, a bartender.
Since I have built up respect for him, so to speak, I don’t see anything wrong with his career choice. So what if he serves people alcohol for a living? But I know some people would be morally against this.
But what if this guy used it as a ministry? Or what if he’s just surrendering to the culture of this age?
Who knows, and frankly, who cares?
I guess my question is, where is the line? How holy does God want us to be? Perfect, I know that answer, but what makes one thing acceptable for one but not another? Can we justify “cultural sins” like polygamy in the OT days or, say, pirating music in ours?
I’m just asking the questions, I don’t really have an answer, nor do I expect my audience to give me one either.
Maybe I’ll come back with more in a few days.
Until then,
Ezek.
September 14, 2008 Leave a comment
First things first
First thing’s first.
Indiana Wesleyan’s “Verse of the Year” is Matthew 6:33: “Seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness and all these things will be given to you.”
On our first chapel, Umfundisi talked about how we need to get our priorities straight. What’s consuming our time? Are we worrying about who’s on Facebook instead of schoolwork? Are we watching volleyball games out the window instead of reading our Bibles? (Heh. Heh.)
I decided to commit myself to this, signing a piece of paper and everything.
Then Wednesday night happened.
I am having a blast at college, really, I am. But I had a rough night on Wednesday. I was writing my first paper (yes, it was loads of fun) and out of nowhere my “c” key just started typing. I had random c’s all over my letter to Shane Claiborne. (And yes, that was my assignment.)
It was 11:20 at night. I had class at 7:50am.
So I took the key off.
In hindsight, not the best idea. I have taken keys off before–I had a sticky m a while back–but usually I get the suckers back on. This stupid c would not go back on.
I spent a half hour trying to get the thing back on. I failed.
The next day I went to IT. Right when it closed.
The c’s kept appearing. The key was still off.
And God said to Lauren, “First things first.”
I let things escalade too much. I got the wrong book for a class, I need more school supplies, my ice tray can’t fit in my freezer, this chinese food is too salty!, c’s fall off… and I make a big deal out of them all. Oh please. Get over it, girl.
This is my first semester of college. My goal is to not be overwhelmed with stress, to be on top of my homework so I never have to pull all-nighters or cram for tests.
For those of you in school or have full-time jobs, I challenge you to do the same. Don’t let the little things get you down. “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” as they say. When you start to feel overwhelmed, talk to God. He values rest. He created a whole day for it, actually.
Forget about all the c-keys in your life, keeping you up late worrying. It’s not worth it. Trust God.
First things first.
September 6, 2008 3 Comments
Welp, I know who I’m voting for.
I just got settled into school, (and already have tons of stories to tell) but I honestly don’t want to waste a good, healthy blog on wildcat news. So you’ll just have to ask me in person.
However, there was another big event going on this week–a bit bigger than my college escapade. The Democratic National Convention ended on Thursday with Barack Obama’s acceptance speech.
Amazing.
I have been watching the DNC with a careful eye because I know that it’s political. And when I mean it’s political (because you already knew THAT) I mean that people are crafty with their words, careful to make you feel all the ethos, pathos, and logos of whoever’s speaking at the moment.
Prior to Thursday night, I was a bit wary of declaring my party (in this election, not just in general). I just knew that I wasn’t ready to declare that my beliefs rest solely on one party’s claims. And, I still feel that way.
But, here’s the thing: I have been doing my research. I wasn’t just taken in by Obama’s (truly profound) speech, I started realizing that there are more issues out there that I need to take into consideration.
Yes, I agree that abortion is wrong. Killing babies is never good (hmm unless you believe it will lower crime). I have a problem with the government making the decision on a decision like that JUST because I know that in desperate times, some women will go great lengths to get an abortion. Clothes hangers. Risky drugs.
Now they’re not only harming their fetus, but themselves.
But I also believe that war is wrong. War can’t be just. I’m sorry, Austin Jett, it can’t be. Like the hospital manager in Iraq, as quoted by Shane Claiborne, said, “Violence is for those who have lost their imagination. Has your country lost its imagination?”
I don’t believe anyone is beyond redemption. Not even terrorists. (Paul was a terrorist, and he wrote half the New Testament!)
I believe we need to carry each other’s burdens, financially even. I know we have a tendency to think that since we’re in America, that means everyone else has equal opportunity to strike rich. But it’s not true–it cannot be true.
I mean, after reading books like Savage Inequalities, which explored poor school systems, I can’t possibly think that someone from a school in East St. Louis possibly has the same chance at “success” as white suburban me.
So what do we do? We help the low income folks. We provide some healthcare, nothing wrong with that. I know that it’s easy to think that once someone’s been handed a freebie they will always be begging for more. Maybe that’s true. But what did Jesus say about the least of these? Jesus was homeless, wouldn’t we give him healthcare?*
Now, I hate when people try to convince me I’m wrong in my beliefs (about anything), so I won’t try to tell you to vote Obama/Biden ’08. Seriously. I just want you to examine more issues than just the one you hear about the most (abortion).
Either way, as a moral person, you can’t honestly believe one party is faultless. The question I’ve got to ask myself is what issues concern me the most right now.
*Don’t leave me nasty comments for that. I KNOW there’s more dynamics in helping the homeless than just giving them handouts. But sometimes I believe those handouts (money, food, blankets, etc.) could do WAY more good than trying to make someone go through some program to get them out of their financial woes. Why? Because with a handout there’s love. Or, there can be love if you show it. Programs don’t show love in the same way.
Lauren
August 30, 2008 Leave a comment
empathy
It all started yesterday when I listened to the RELEVANT Podcast. I wasn’t going to yet (I like saving it for a long drive or while cleaning my house), but my ole buddy Bryce told me that it was epic. So I did.
Well, I started listening, but when I heard that what was epic was also sad, I skipped to 46:05 minutes into it. To hear that Adam Smith is moving away. To New Zealand. (Who else can make the whaleshark voice like him?)
Now, flashback to May 2007 when Ash and I made RELEcakes for the crew… and I took a picture with my “favorite podcaster,” Cameron. So why, do you ask, is Adam’s departure so difficult for me? Especially since I’ve said goodbye to Tyler, Cara, and Jesse in years passed?
Empathy.
I don’t empathize very well. In fact, I can muster up just enough sympathy for people to keep my distance while still looking pretty compassionate. But when it comes to empathy–the kind that Jesus shows us (Heb. 4:15)–I suck. I mean, I really do. I relate to Dustin Kensrue (ha, here I go) when he said,
“My personality is somewhat inward looking, and, therefore, I am somewhat selfish and self-centered by nature. I am not naturally a very empathetic person. I would have to say that my burden for broken people comes from the influence of Christ in my life, showing me how to love people like He loved them. I have a long way to go.” RELEVANT Magazine (I don’t feel like looking up the issue… but Thrice is on the cover.)
So despite my usual tendency to NOT empathize, I was overwhelmed with concern for Adam’s well-being. Again, kind of weird because I neither empathize NOR know Adam.
So, that night I couldn’t sleep. This could partly have been due to my Grasshopper Shizzle (blended coffee drink, very tasty) I had 2 hours previous or the bouts of spiritual warfare I had been dealing with. But instead of settling on either explanation, I decided to lay there in bed and grapple.
I woke up early. My mind just kept pouring through random thoughts. What could I have possibly been thinking about for hours and hours on end? I have no idea. It was sickening.
So, this time (though in previous days I would have told myself to pray against the spiritual forces keeping me from sleep–as John Eldredge would suggest I do) I just got up and went on with my day. I told myself to “heed not thy feeling” and keep muhself busy. No thinking about random crap that’ll stress me out or sadden me–whatever.
By mid-afternoon I was still feeling the same crappy way I felt the previous afternoon when I realized that Adam was heading adios. Uhm, I don’t think that’s empathy anymore.
I had a sort of “godly sorrow” there for a while, till Satan took advantage of it and kept those soul-heavy feelings remain.
“Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain. ” Ps 127:1a
But, like all good and hardy DESPAIR, I started asking God some questions. Questions, I learned today, are good. We just might not get answers–deal with it.
And I realized as I was praying my questions, that they really all flowed from last afternoon. I mean, Adam Smith is directly linked to RELEVANT (hullo, podcaster/managing editor) which is directly linked to my future. Or, so I always thought.
I’ve been gung-ho about working for RELEVANT for over a year now and I have never seemed to question that I may not be good enough or passionate enough or whatever-enough to work there. Why have I never questioned that?
I think I have always just trusted that Thomas Friedman quote that said that the PASSIONATE people will get the jobs over the geeks. I’m passionate, I know that. But now I wonder if I’m passionate enough.
And, what if that doesn’t matter?
And, what if I don’t even like working there? I’ll have spent years pursuing a dream that fails me.
And, what about college? What if my professors don’t prepare me? What if they don’t like me?
And, what if I never find true love?
And, (the scariest of all) What if God changes his mind about me? What if he doesn’t want me to be Ezekiel or to change the world or to write and write and write or to be passionate or to be whoever I think I am supposed to be….
The questions kept coming. I know that I just need to trust God–there’s no doubt about that. I know what it is to close my eyes and jump, and that’s what I’m going to have to do. I don’t like it, but if I am truly going to call Christ my Savior, I’m going to have to just go–go wherever he says to go.
If it’s to RELEVANT, than that’s where I’m supposed to be.
If not, then I pray he prepares me for somewhere else.
Ezek.
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REASON NUMBER SEVEN WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER
Welp, my friend Austin always told me how he listened to Coldplay when he was depressed. Understandable. When I’m depressed I listen to the smooth sounds of The Alchemy Index (Vol. 2).
I remember after the overnight at the church for New Years, after one crappy night trying to sleep in a 20 below zero room, and having to wake up at 6 to go home because a snow storm was brewing, I listened to that disk. I listened to those 6 tracks over and over again until I felt good inside.
Then I went home and slept.
August 12, 2008 Leave a comment
Jacob and Esau
Once upon a time there was a woman named Rebekah. God told her that she was pregnant with two nations, one that would rule over the other. So she gave birth to two boys: Esau first (who’s name means HAIRY) and Jacob who latched onto Esau’s heel (who’s name means DECEIVER).
One day after a hunt, Esau came back famished–I mean, STARVING–while his brother Jacob was making some soup.
“Dude, I’m hungry. Can I have some of your soup?” Esau asked Jacob.
“If you sell me your birthright,” replied Jacob.
“Well, I am going to die anyway if I don’t get some soup…. what the hay!”
“Swear it?”
“I swear it.”
“Sweeet.”
A little while later, Daddy Isaac was dying and Esau was about to get his blessing (another right of the firstborn), so he went to hunt for some food for Pops.
Well, Rebekah must have liked Jacob better or something because she told her younger son to disguise himself in some goat hair to convince blind Isaac that he was Esau to get his blessing.
And Jacob was blessed.
Esau came home mad (and a little whiny). “Bless me too!”
“Welp,” replied old Isaac, “your brother stole it. Sorry.”
Esau mumbled, “He gets whatever he wants! It’s not FAIR!”
“Welp, what can I do?” Isaac said.
“Don’t you have another blessing? Like, a spare for a rainy day?”
“Uhm, how’s this: ‘You will live by the sword and you will serve your brother.'”
“Sucky.” So Esau held a grudge against Jacob because he got whatever he wanted and no one seemed to care.
Years later, after Jacob had acquired two wives, his own flock of animals, a name change, and a blessing from God himself… he prepares to meet Esau.
Now, expecting to get killed by his grudging brother, he plans on giving him a pretty generous gift, to “pacify him.”
Well, when Esau meets him in the road, he runs up and embraces Jacob. All is forgiven.
And everyone lived happily ever after? Right?
WRONG.
You know why? Because somewhere along the way–between Jacob’s unfair blessings and Esau’s unfair losses–God decides that he hates ole Hairy.
“I have loved you,” says the LORD.
“But you ask, ‘How have you loved us?’
“Was not Esau Jacob’s brother?” the LORD says. “Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his mountains into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals.” Malachi 1:1-3
This passage was then quoted in Romans. In the Septuagint (pastor Paul would be proud) a portion of the passage reads, “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.” Romans 9:13
And again in Hebrews: “See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son.” Hebrews 12:16
I mean, it is pretty bad to sell your birthright (possessions, probably flocks of animals, etc.) for a bowl of soup. That is kind of dumb on ole Esau’s behalf.
But GODLESS? Can you really say that? And what real reason did God have to HATE him?
It seems like there were some pretty awful people in the Bible that God could have easily said He hated, but Esau? Is this all about soup?
This kind of brings me back to the question of predestination vs. free will. God can choose who He wants to call and who He doesn’t. He can choose who He wants to have mercy on and who He doesn’t. (This is taken from Romans 9.)
I feel like this is why certain people go through harder trials than others. God puts us in a certain place for a reason (and I mean this in a fairly broad term: who are family is, our hometown–things we cannot choose). Why should I live in Autumn Ridge while a brother or sister in the faith live in the Chicago ghetto? Why are my friends’ parents married while mine divorced?
God has given us the blessing of a good life (a nice home, food to eat, loving parents) so we can use them for His glory… the same way he would expect those without the such things to live for his glory as well.
We should be thankful for our “birthright”–our political freedom and suburban lifestyle–instead of selling it off. We should not forget that God is the one who put us in this setting. I feel like Esau’s mistake was mishandling a gift rather than using it for its true purpose. It’s so easy to do that.
How often to we spend our paychecks on crap–literally, like video games, DVDs we’ll only watch once, midnight cravings for BWW (guilty!)–instead of tithing or doing something genuinely godly with it? Maybe Esau just wasn’t a good steward.
So be thankful for what you’ve been blessed with.
And don’t sell it off for a good bowl of soup.
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REASON NUMBER 6 WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER
Unlike Esau, Thrice would not sell their souls for a bowl of soup. In fact, they are excellent stewards of their money. A portion of each CD they sell is given to an organization. The Alchemy Indexes sent money to Blood:Water Mission, Vheissu sent money to 826 Valencia (a nonproft educational organization), The Artist in the Ambulance sent money to the Syrenthia J. Savio Endowment (which provides chemotherapy to those who can’t afford it), and I’m sure their other CDs sent money as well… but I don’t own them to know.
They are sick, They are poor
and they die by the thousands and we look away
They are wolves at the door
they are not going to move us or get in our way
Cause we don’t have the time
Here at the top of the world
Yeah we’re doin just fine
Here at the top of the world
We hold our own by keeping our hearts cold
Different god, darker skin
They are just not a burden that we like to bear
They are living in sin
Just throw out any reason for us not to care
Cause we’re feeling alright
Here at the top of the world
Yeah we’re doin just fine
Here at the top of the world
We’ve learned that money matters most
So we keep our cards held close
Here at the top of the world
August 8, 2008 Leave a comment
The Lion and the Wolf.
I feel like we should start out with a verse: “When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.” James 1:13f
Let’s get our brains workin’ today people.
Pretend Satan and Temptation are two separate entities. Two living vessels. Picturing it? Good. This is how I view sin (metaphorically speaking I guess. Hang in there with me).
Say you’re a good, hardy Christian guy. You are pretty sure if Satan told you to drop everything and have sex with your sixteen-year-old girlfriend (mind you, you’re eighteen, not a pedophile) you would not. Of course, you recognized that to be Satan. (Whether it be through a thought running through your mind or a friend egging you on. Either way, you know it’s wrong because that’s what ye old Bible says.)
Well,
Temptation works like this. It’s a lot like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It sneaks its way into your life. It’s not like blatent ole Satan who comes a-knockin’–NO….
It starts with the desire to, say, watch a raunchy movie. I mean, nothing like HORRIBLE, but say an R-rated movie with lots of innuendos in it (and you’re a guy and you get your kicks from all that. Ha, I’m stereotyping). Then your old pal Johnny watches some softcore porn online. Oh then that hardcore. I mean, ya can’t get enough. Then you get a girlfriend and, well, you start expecting stuff from her… stuff you viewed in those pictures and vids online.
Imagine a downward spiral.
And yourself plummeting through.
Now that original temptation from Satan (the one you thought was CRAZY) isn’t such a big deal anymore. I call this the progression of sin. Pre-marital sex may have seemed like a big no-no back then, but now not so much. Not only that entity of Temptation ceased you, but also the entity of Satan.
And that’s a problem. A lot bigger one than letting the wolf in the door.
We gotta be careful. Far too many of us have let the wolf in (not recognizing its fangs under its fluffy sheep costume) and left the door open for Satan to peek his way in. Keep your eyes open.
“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ” I Peter 3:8 tNIV
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REASON NUMBER FIVE (5) WHY THRICE IS THE BEST BAND EVER.
Just read the blog. I learned all that from a Thrice song. (Note the title.)
___
The lion’s outside of your door, the wolf’s in your bed.
The lion’s claws are sharpened for war the wolf’s teeth are red.
What a monstrous sight he makes mocking man’s best friend.
But both the wolf and lion crave the same thing in the end.
The lion’s outside of your door, the wolf’s in your bed.
The wolf he howls, the lion does roar, the wolf lets him in.
The lion runs in through the door, the real fun begins.
As they both rush upon you and rip open your flesh.
The lion eats his fill and then the wolf cleans up the mess.
The lion’s outside of your door, the wolf’s in your bed.
August 4, 2008 Leave a comment