Jesus, Son of the living God, anoint us with fire this day. Let your Word not shine in our hearts, but let it burn. Let there be no division, compromise, or holding back. Separate the mystics from the romantics, and goad us to that daredevil leap into the abyss of your love. (Amen)
Lauren is a college graduate with degrees in journalism and writing. This summer she is westward bound to Seattle, Washington, in order to pursue graduate school ... and good coffee.I want writing to bring me peace about a situation, but it’s only temporary. I think of my smoking poem from last month. I used it to implore my boyfriend to stop smoking. He still smokes, and I no longer have peace.
It’s not that I wanted the poem to change him. (I mean, yeah, a little.) I wanted it to make me feel better about the situation because at least I understood why I felt the way I did.
I want writing to revive my dry faith. I want to write a poem about how I feel about God (see “Eli, Eli“) and get myself out of my rut.
But, it doesn’t work like that. Writing helps, but it’s not a world changer.
Still, I wish it were.
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Everything I Am
Scriptwriting Archive:
Broken-down Poetry, and what it means
The strenuous marriage of writing
Poetry as Therapy, pt. II
Imagination
Sh*tty First Drafts
Cross-train
Go get a life
Lauren is a college graduate with degrees in journalism and writing. This summer she is westward bound to Seattle, Washington, in order to pursue graduate school ... and good coffee.Mm mmuvf mooph.
Lauren is a college graduate with degrees in journalism and writing. This summer she is westward bound to Seattle, Washington, in order to pursue graduate school ... and good coffee.I wrote this over Christmas break.
I like imagining what my head and heart talk about – they’re always disagreeing. This is the manifestation of that. Enjoy.
P.S. Well, just don’t read too much into it. Just … enjoy.
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My head and my heart are always at odds with each other. Head is pragmatic, reasonable and is always making those ridiculous pro-con lists. Heart is passionate, stubborn and can convince Head of nearly anything. Today they’re in a full-out death match. (Head can be so brutal!)
HEAD: Heart, it’s time you get over this boy. He doesn’t like you anyway. Remember that movie? Let me spell it out for you: he’s just not that into you!
HEART: Gah, shut up, will you? Can’t a girl dream? He did act like he liked us in the beginning – hullo?! You were there. You’re the one who had to convince me that he liked us. I was the one who kept telling you that “oh, he probably treats all his friends like this,” or “he just likes our company.” You had to be so adamant about it!
HEAD: Well, he did seem to like us at first.
HEART: So he lost interest? Great. That makes me feel awesome.
HEAD: Hey, I don’t know. Boys can be weird. And gosh, haven’t you ever lost interest in a guy?
HEART: Well, yeah, but I usually have some good reason to. … You don’t think he stopped liking us because of something I did, do you?
HEAD: You can be a little over the top.
HEART: But so can you, Miss Let’s-Analyze-Everything!
HEAD: I’m just doing my job, Heart. If no one analyzed the situation you’d still be caught up with your last crush … the engaged guy? Remember him?
HEART: Hey, you promised to let that go. I wasn’t myself. I was too busy marking off your stupid checklist.
HEAD: That’s a perfectly good checklist!
HEART: It’s a stupid checklist. It is supposed to tell me what we want in a husband. Really? When did you make that list, anyway?
HEAD: Uh, five years ago.
HEART: Exactly, we were fifteen years old and you thought you’d know what we’d want in a husband. Guess what? THAT ENGAGED GUY WAS NOT OUR TYPE!
HEAD: Geesh, calm down! It was one simple mistake.
HEART: One mistake? What about TallGuy and ObamaFan and WorshipLeader? They fit your little checklist.
HEAD: Hey, don’t blame me for all of those crushes. You’re the one who fell for them.
HEART: Yeah, but not because I thought they were hot or romantic or whatever – the things hearts usually fall for. No, it was because they fit your stupid standards. Stupid you with your stupid, stupid standards!
HEAD: Stop calling me stupid! That’s very offensive.
HEART: Sorry, Head. You’re just upsetting me.
HEAD: Why, Heart? He’s just like every other crush.
HEART: But he’s not! He’s the one that didn’t fit your list, but is so perfect for us.
HEAD: How do you know without my list?
HEART: I just know. I mean, he is smart like you, and creative like me, and he sees beauty the way we do, and he is really clever and quirky, and he would fight for me – I know it!
HEAD: Is he cute?
HEART: You know he is. But that’s not even the half of it. He’s like someone you’d read about in a book and fall in love with. … Maybe that’s why you’re so eager to get over him, because you think he’s just a storybook character.
HEAD: Maybe. … He does seem to have that too-good-to-be-true quality about him.
HEART: And for once I didn’t make it up. He really is that amazing.
HEAD: He really is.
Sigh.
This isn’t helping anything. He’s not calling us and you are not over him yet.
HEART: So what are we going to do?
HEAD: For once, I don’t know.
–
I love that last line.
Lauren is a college graduate with degrees in journalism and writing. This summer she is westward bound to Seattle, Washington, in order to pursue graduate school ... and good coffee.Story.
PROLOGUE: Late last year RELEVANT Magazine died to me. On vintage episodes of their podcast, the crew joked that washed up actors belonged on a “You’re Dead to Me Wall.” Now they’re on mine.
Around that time I read Don Miller’s A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life about Don’s journey editing his memoir into a film script. In the process he learned what it means to live life as a story — a story big enough for the big screen.
As this story of mine was dying – my dream of working for RELEVANT Magazine – I started seeing how very small that story was. My dream was to work for a small entertainment magazine. Huh. Not that there’s anything wrong with writing for RELEVANT – I still respect its mission, after all – but it’s not something worth living for. But that’s what I did … until it died.
It was a long, slow, painful death, starting in January and ending in October. So when the time came for me to put the coffin in the ground, so to speak, I hadn’t really planned for life after RELEVANT. What did I want to do with my life? What kind of story did I want to live?
In late October I prayed for a dream to take RELEVANT’s place. If the fields must die, something must spring up in its place. This is about that dream.
A CHARACTER: I always play it safe. I don’t take risks if I think I’ll fail. I’ve only been rejected by two boys, and both times were done with subtle hints because “Do You Like Me?” is not in my vocabulary.
A typical conversation:
LAUREN: I hate my job! I never want to go back.
JACQUE: Do you just hate your job because you aren’t very good at it, and you’re used to being good at everything?
LAUREN: Indeed.
A CHARACTER WHO WANTS SOMETHING: That verse in the Bible that says, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart” comes with stipulations. For one, God isn’t going to give you everything you want. I want Leonardo DiCaprio. I’m not going to get Leonardo DiCaprio.
But God wants us to want.
I mean, he wants us to be content with what we have – that’s not the point. He doesn’t want us to be greedy or covetous or envious – those are two of the seven deadly sins, after all – but he wants us to desire stuff. Mostly he wants us to desire good stuff.
He wants us to desire things like peace and justice for the people in Darfur. He wants us to desire things like health and comfort for the people in Haiti. He wants us to desire bigger, better stories that change us, that take us on journeys and out of our comfort zones.
And so I prayed. RELEVANT was dead and buried, and finally I was okay. There’s something more important than writing about pop culture to a Christian audience.
Perusing Jason Boyett‘s blog, I came across an organization called Preemptive Love that sells handmade shoes to pay for Iraqi children’s heart surgeries (through their for-profit company Buy Shoes. Save Lives.).
I was in Radio Production at the time, not paying attention to Prof. Perry, exploring the PLC site. When I read their mission statement I was so, so close to leaving class, running back to the dorm to tell Lindsey about my discovery. Because, ready for this? Best mission statement ever. (See left side of your screen. Or for Facebook readers, look up. Or down. It’s hard to say.)
I don’t know what I believe about a lot of things, honestly. I don’t know if I really believe in once-saved-always-saved theology or what to do about the environment or how involved in politics Christians should be. … But I know I hate war. I know that Christians are called to love people and not kill them. I know that instead of DESTROYING we should be CREATING. I fell in love with PLC.
After reading more and more about what they do and who they are, I knew that I wanted to intern with them.
A CHARACTER WHO WANTS SOMETHING AND OVERCOMES CONFLICT: My mom does not want me in Iraq. Well, duh. I don’t think anyone close to me wants me in Iraq.
Every good story has conflict – this is mine. My friends and mentors tell me one of two things: 1.) If I’m supposed to go to Iraq, Mom will magically be okay with it. 2.) I should probably not go to Iraq unless I know God wants me there.
I believe God is big enough to make Mom change her mind. I also believe God is big enough to tell me in plain language that I’m supposed to go to Iraq (or not).
And that’s been my prayer – for either of those. But honestly, nothing’s that clear. I will say that I feel peace about the internship, which is odd. I’m never at peace about dishonoring my mom. (Mainly because I’ve never dishonored my mom before.) I’m never at peace about doing something big and scary.
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This is where my story pauses. I’m emailing my application in tonight.
God’s will is still vague. A feeling of peace is not something to base a huge decision off of, right? Lindsey suggested I fast, so I am. One meal a week. Maybe a little discipline will help me hear him a new way. Maybe. I hope.
Dear friends, I need your prayers. I don’t need your advice, though. Ha, I mean this in a respectful way. I’ve heard all sides of this; I know my options. It’s listening time. It’s decision-making time.
with love and squalor,
Lauren
Lauren is a college graduate with degrees in journalism and writing. This summer she is westward bound to Seattle, Washington, in order to pursue graduate school ... and good coffee.This is the worst one.
Lauren: Arrg. There’s [insert name of NECC intern]. He hasn’t even acknowledged me all school year.Abby: Well, why don’t you say hi to him.Lauren: But he’s a leader. And it was my church he interned at.Lindsey: Oh geez.
“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another. …” Romans 12:10
Lauren is a college graduate with degrees in journalism and writing. This summer she is westward bound to Seattle, Washington, in order to pursue graduate school ... and good coffee.I don’t know how to start this blog – I don’t have a witty anecdote. I guess I could say this: the other day Molly and I were having “WTF, Jesus?” moments around the same time. I went to the Williams’ prayer chapel and scrawled broken arguments to God. (I’m not sure what Molly did.)
Lauren is a college graduate with degrees in journalism and writing. This summer she is westward bound to Seattle, Washington, in order to pursue graduate school ... and good coffee.My dad’s favorite Christmas movie is “A Christmas Story,” the one about the dorky kid Ralphie who wants a B.B. gun, but everyone keeps telling him that he’ll shoot his eye out. My sister and I think our dad was like Ralphie when he was a boy; he had the blond hair and glasses to prove it. And I’m sure my dad asked for a gun, but never got one.
Every December I start feeling really mushy and sentimental and I watch a million cheesy Christmas movies on Fa-La-La-La Lifetime. I think I’m looking for a favorite Christmas movie, because I still haven’t found one.
Instead of watching movies, my favorite thing to do around the holidays is retelling the Christmas story – the one about Christ’s birth, not a Red Ryder B.B. gun. I try to retell it differently every year on my blog, but I don’t know how successful I am. A story that pertinent is often told best in its original text. (Maybe I should leave it to St. Luke.)
But I liked how I retold it one year, and I want to recreate that. (Read between the lines.)
Christmas is not just a time for evergreen trees, Wal-mart sales, holiday feasts, decking the halls or watching the “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” It’s a time for, well. …
Around the time of Elizabeth’s amazing pregnancy and John’s birth, the emperor in Rome, Caesar Augustus, required everyone in the Roman Empire to participate in a massive census – the first census since Quirinius had become governor of Syria. Each person had to go to his or her ancestral city to be counted.
Christmas is a time to mend broken relationships – even when it’s your best friend’s roommate’s sister who stole your boyfriend away. Forgive. Even when you really don’t want to do it, forgive.
Mary’s fiancé Joseph, from Nazareth in Galilee, had to participate in the census the same way everyone else did. Because he was a descendant of King David, his ancestral city was Bethlehem, David’s birthplace. Mary, who was now late in her pregnancy which the messenger Gabriel had predicted, accompanied Joseph.
Christmas is a time to reclaim family. If you’re like me you’ve spent most of the year complaining about them (or to them). During the Christmas season, pretend you’re the Cleavers. Try to get along with your siblings, even when they drive you mad.
While in Bethlehem, she went into labor and gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped the baby in a blanket and laid Him in a feeding trough because the inn had no room for them.
Christmas is a time to forsake selfishness. Most of us receive 26 paychecks a year. Use one of them (or part of one) to buy a present for the Salvation Army Christmas Angel Tree or donate the money to a charity.
Nearby, in the fields outside of Bethlehem, a group of shepherds were guarding their flocks from predators in the darkness of night. Suddenly a messenger of the Lord stood in front of them, and the darkness was replaced by a glorious light – the shining light of God’s glory. They were terrified!
Christmas is a time to be a kid again. Play in the snow. Wake up early on Christmas day. You have plenty of time to worry about grown-up responsibilities after Christmas.
Messenger: “Do not be afraid! Listen! I bring good news, news of great joy, news that will affect all people everywhere. Today, in the city of David, a Liberator has been born for you! He is the promised Liberating King, the Supreme Authority! You will know you have found Him when you see a baby, wrapped in a blanket, lying in a feeding trough.”
Christmas is a time to reprioritize. As important as school is, are you spending more time improving your grades or with the people you love?
At that moment, the first heavenly messenger was joined by thousand of other messengers – a vast heavenly choir. They praise God. … “To the highest heights of the universe, glory to God! And on earth, peace among all people who bring pleasure to God!” …
Christmas is a time to remember your Savior; it’s a time to relish in his Grace. It’s easy to get into the zone of the holidays, forgetting its true meaning under all of the shopping sprees and cheesy holiday specials on TV.
Don’t forget that this is a holiday that shook the world.
Everyone who heard their story couldn’t stop thinking about its meaning. Mary, too, pondered all these events, treasuring each memory in her heart.
Merry Christmas, IWU.
Lauren is a college graduate with degrees in journalism and writing. This summer she is westward bound to Seattle, Washington, in order to pursue graduate school ... and good coffee.
I wonder if this is our view of Christianity.
1. Does God punish us for our sins if we’re under Grace?
Lauren is a college graduate with degrees in journalism and writing. This summer she is westward bound to Seattle, Washington, in order to pursue graduate school ... and good coffee.Over the summer, I bought Derek Webb’s new album, “Stockholm Syndrome,” with its controversial song, “What Matters More,” which gave the CD an explicit label for the use of two swear words. The song stirred and convicted me, but not because of his cusswords – I’ve heard worse – but because of Webb’s criticism of the Christian culture and our reaction to homosexuality.
I blogged about the song back in August; I had never received so much feedback on a post. Most of the responses were positive (though some were negative), but either way I was glad that a dialogue was forming.
This is an issue we Christians have a hard time discussing with grace, except in our own churches with our own doctrine-abiding, non-gay brothers and sisters. And grace is the key here: we may talk about how liberal our culture is getting or about gay marriage or Ellen DeGeneres’s sexual orientation with an attitude of disdain, but can we learn to speak the truth in love?
The first two lines of “What Matters More” read: “You say you always treat people like you’d like to be / I guess you love being hated for your sexuality.” Webb sings this to Christians, those who condemn homosexuals to hell. (Not just those who hold picket signs at a gay pride festival, but those of us who turn our noses up to our gay brothers and sisters.)
According to the Barna Institute, Christians are known for being anti-homosexual more than loving or being gracious givers. We are not known for our love, but for our lack of it. They will know we are Christians by our love?
In “What Matters More,” Webb says that if Christians speak only what’s in their hearts, then it’s clear that being straight is top priority. Who cares about the poverty pandemic or genocide, about martyrdom in China or war in the Middle East, as long as boys like girls and girls like boys?
The big question of the song (“what matters more to you?”) comes from a quote by Pastor Tony Campolo that says, “I have three things I’d like to say today: First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a sh–. What’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said sh– than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.”
Not only are we forgetting to speak to our brothers and sisters with love, we are making the LGBT community our enemy. And we are making a huge deal out of it.
I worry that some of us have the same attitude as a fictitious opinion writer from “The Onion”: “I know that if it were part of God’s plan for me to stop viciously condemning others based solely on their sexual preference, He would have seen fit … to have given me the tiniest bit of human empathy necessary to do so.”
It’s farcical, and I’m sure none of us really think that way, but it sure looks like do. And I’m included in the guilty party. I admit that I laugh at the jokes, and say something’s “gay,” or feel awkward or dirty talking about homosexuality. But this doesn’t make it okay.
God says that the second greatest commandment is to love our neighbors, even our neighbors who sin and have different lifestyles than us. Not begrudgingly love them, but with sincerity.
The greatest command is to love God, and I think that implies taking him seriously and taking his commands seriously too.
Globefest chapel speaker Dan Merchant, in his book “Lord, Save Us from Your Followers,” talks about the reverse confession booth he made at Pride NW, a Gay Pride festival. His goal was not to receive confessions from the men and women at the festival, but to confess his own sins and the sins of the Church toward homosexuals.
Merchant begins his confession: first for the Church’s mistreatment of homosexuals, then for ignoring the AIDS epidemic and finally for his own disrespect.
I want to end with a passage from his book, something that has challenged me, and I hope challenges you.
“I feel like we can go on all day about the whole ‘gay issue,’ but what I’m talking about is a people issue, a ‘we’re all God’s children issue,’ and since I’m a believer, a ‘what would Jesus do’ issue,” said Merchant. “This is about obedience and humility – and I’m not talking about the gay people, I’m taking about Christians.”
The post was originally printed in Indiana Wesleyan University’s The Sojourn newspaper.
Lauren is a college graduate with degrees in journalism and writing. This summer she is westward bound to Seattle, Washington, in order to pursue graduate school ... and good coffee.